Learn to Protect Your Boundaries

Hi, my name is Melissa, and I’m a recovering people pleaser. Did you know that about me? It might surprise you if you only know me through my classes or social media. I offer advice on how to make time to work out, and am vocal about how important it is to take care of ourselves. But it wasn’t always that way! If you’re struggling to protect your boundaries, let me tell you about how I went from doing it all to doing what matters. 

Are You a People Pleaser?

There are many terms for those who manage to “do it all”: superwoman/man, supermom/dad, people pleaser, type A… no matter what you call it, here are clues that you may be doing too much. You: 

• Identify with one of those titles!
• Like to help everyone
• Are great at saying “yes”
• Can accomplish a lot of things
• Multitasking is your middle name
• You can figure out how to do almost anything
• Do all of these things and feel stressed about it – but keep going anyway.

This was me to a “T”! I used to manage to fit it all in. My workouts, cooking, cleaning, shopping, parenting, prepping for holidays, field trips, sports, work. I was quite literally running from one class to another between studios and the gym, and fitting in the rest of life’s tasks that come with three children. It was a lot. Too much, in fact! 

The Problem with Doing it All

I will still take on too much occasionally (I am a recovering people pleaser, after all!), but I’m getting better as I learn to protect my boundaries. Before, it never occurred to me to ask for help. If something came up, I’d just cram it in somehow. I wasn’t even fitting in my own workouts, just teaching classes. I was getting it all done but I was tired, stressed, and didn’t always feel happy.

My family could feel my stress and I never felt fully present with them. I was thinking five steps ahead on what I had to do next to keep all the balls in the air. It was exhausting! While I thought I was helping everyone, I wasn’t at my best… and that benefitted no one. 

Taking care of yourself is the most important thing we can do, so we can be there for the people we love. 

How I Started To Protect My Boundaries

I think part of learning to protect my boundaries has come with age, knowledge, and self growth. I’m getting better at listening to my intuition. But a big part was recognizing that I can free up time in my schedule to do more of what I love by asking for help. This has shown up in the form of hiring help to do the things that I either don’t like doing, or just aren’t good at it! 

Those tasks would take up so much time because I’d procrastinate on them or not do them at all… and then I’d stress about it. Thinking about the un-done things that I hated doing took up too much brain space, and I’d put off doing things I wanted to do (like work out, socialize, or prepare healthy meals). Time and mental space was being wasted. 

My favourite tasks to outsource have been a housecleaner, a bookkeeper, and a virtual assistant to help with my blogs and newsletters. My business coaches have also been essential to help me with ALL of my ideas. I can have way too many, and they help me streamline, stay focused, and declutter my brain. 

How to Make Time for Yourself

If you’re still struggling to figure out how to fit it all in, start with two lists. Make one list of all the things you want to do, but don’t have time for. Now make a list of the things you need to do, but don’t love. Is there anything on the second list that you can get help with, or even eliminate altogether? Here are some ideas to get you started: 

• Hire help! A housecleaner, babysitter, landscaping, etc.
• Schedule a weekly class that you attend regularly.
• Order a meal prep service.
• Get your groceries delivered.
• Use the gym’s childcare service or trade childcare with a friend. 
• Set a weekly walk or run date with a friend.

I used to balk at the idea of hiring help when I could do the task myself. Eventually though, I realized that my time is worth something, too. I choose to spend money on tasks I dislike doing, which saves me time, stress, and allows me to improve myself, my health, my business, and spend more time with my family and friends. To me, the money is well spent. 

I’m curious: How do you protect your boundaries and make time for yourself?